Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
