Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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