Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
