You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
