they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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