I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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