I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
