He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
