Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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