I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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