So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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