sarcasm needs its own font
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
