My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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