I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
