I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
