it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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