dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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