I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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