seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
