Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize