I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
