I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
