I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
