so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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