I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
