I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
