Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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