If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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