Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
