you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
