i jhust puked up my retainher.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
