Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
