sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
