Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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