I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
