I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
