I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
