we're blogging at a bar
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
