I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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