I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
