Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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