I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Even my vagina gasped.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
tell me about the eggs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
