Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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