Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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