I will die if light touches me.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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