I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
