That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
