Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
