Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
