i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
