Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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