ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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