Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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