The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
