Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
