Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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