I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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