I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
