I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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