I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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