I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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