Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
