i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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